The strongest of couples fail to withstand the pressure of a long-distance relationship. We tell you how to be with each other even when apart.
When listing to the song leaving on a jet plane brings a tear to your eye, when you are practically ‘in a relationship’ with your phone, when you get jealous of your friends who are with their significant others, when most of yours conversions consists of planning of things to do the next time your significant other after months and don’t know how to react, you and the world around you, know you are in a long-distance relationship (LDR).
While it is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder; staying apart for long periods can test your patience. And it’s also true that most couples, married, coupled or it’s complicated, have to go through the LDR at some point.
Long-distance relationships are not for the faint-hearted. But by lying down and following some basic rules, the long-distance patch can be dealt with effectively. Listed are tips, some from firsthand experience, of how to minimize the distance in long-distance relationships.
Talk every day at a set time
With lives getting hectic and schedules busy, keeping up the communication usually becomes a challenge. And for LDRs, communication is oxygen. While calling each other at random hours might only lead to disappointment, having a time set for you to talk will make all the difference as that ill be your ‘our’ time. Talk daily but if that does not happen sometimes, don’t freak out. Also, stay out of the “how was your day” rut as the only likely answer you will get is “Fine” which might breed boredom. Find newer ways to communicate and express and coin some words or phrases that only you two understand. That will spice up the simplest of chats.
Have a tangible goal or end to this ‘distance’
This will be very important for the two of you. Meeting for short periods in between will help but having a clear last day, week, month or year for staying apart ill make all the difference. Discuss your larger life plans and set a goal that is agreeable to both. Make plans accordingly. Having a clear aim will lend security to the relationship. On most of the gloomy days, this will make for the silver lining and the light at the end of the dark tunnel.
Spell out your expectations
Talking face to face and talking on the phone or over a chat is very different. When in-person, you can see your beloved’s expressions and gauge their feelings through their body language. But that’s not possible in LDRs. So, making your expectations clear about what you want from the relationship will make life and the ordeal a whole lot easier. Everybody deals with pain and sadness in different ways, and so it will be a good idea to ask and tell your most obvious expectations, so as not to make life hell when you can’t kiss and make up.
Talk about common things
It is natural that as your geographical surroundings change, the commonality from your conversations will also vanish. But you can be clever and decide on doing similar things. And this can be more than just gazing at the moon. You can play to watch a movie on the same day or read books and posts that you are both interested in. you can also plan a quiet dinner when the two of you eat the same thing in your responsive zones. That will eliminate the feeling of being apart temporarily and give you common topics to talk about.
Visit each other alternatively
This will be the drug that you thrive on in a long-distance relationship. Every time you meet to fix a date for the next meet and draw a heart next it to on the calendar. This will make the months in between pass by a little easier. Also, visiting each other in their surroundings will allow understanding the person and his/her daily routine, favorite places and hangouts well. So, the conversations will be put into perspective even when away.
But now there’s Skype, chat, emails, and calls so why write. Write because it’s classy. As against the aforementioned methods of communication, snail mails require time and effort. Allow your beloved to see your handwriting. Let them know how you manage to express yourself through pen and paper. This gesture will make them feel special and I ill give them something to hold on to when they miss you the most.
“Long-distance relationships are not for the faint-hearted. BUT BY LAYING DOWN AND FOLLOWING SOME BASIC RULES, THE LONG DISTANCE PATCH CAN BE DEALT WITH EFFECTIVELY”
Keep each other updated on what your family and fuck friends are doing
This will serve two purposes—first, it will give you a low down on all that’s happening around your loved one and secondly it will provide for gossip. Yes, gossip. This can bring the spark back in a dull conversation and keep it going. It’s like meeting your families and friends virtually and then discussing all that happened during the meet.
Learn to trust & be trustworthy
This will be the brick that will hold your wall in times of despair. You will not be privy to their here about when you are apart. You will not immediately know what they wore to work, had for lunch, or did at a party and this can create a considerable amount of anxiety and insecurity. But that’s not how it’s going to work. Allow each other the time to do things. Wait till you speak next with each other. Voicing out jealousy or trying to be overprotective can lead to further misunderstanding. Hold on and try to remember the very reason why you fell in love with them.
Avoid getting your half angry
If you know that your partner will not be happy knowing you are staying out late drinking or partying with a new set of ‘friends’, then either don’t do it or then reassure your partner in advance. Don’t let such a situation arise in the first place as this will give way to suspicion eventually. By being in such situations, you will make your partner feel powerless and less in control of the whole situation. Be clear and even when out and keep in touch regularly.
Keep it sexy, silly
Sex is not just a physical need but an emotional need too. So when apart, indulge in talking dirty. Tell your partner your fantasies and tease them with naughty texts sometimes. This will fuel the fire for the conversation that will take place later. Make sure that you get to spend time alone when meeting after long intervals. Tell your friends s/he is here and switch on the DND sign. Spend as much intimate time as possible and bring back the fire that will keep your relationship warm when you are on a jet plane.
“It is very difficult for married couples to cope with an LDR. We are married for almost a year now but live in separate cities due to our jobs. We will continue like this only till the time we can manage and will settle down the day it gets too much.”
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