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Many men complain that she stopped being affectionate in the bedroom. But sometimes the whole story isn’t being told. Sometimes it’s because he doesn’t treat her right, he doesn’t shower before going to bed, he is drunk, he doesn’t help her out with the household chores, or he’s lousy in bed; he treats her like a sex toy for his pleasures, and then rolls over and goes to sleep. How many men out there complain that their mates aren’t affectionate in the bedroom; the sex went downhill over the years. when in reality it’s because of him? A lot of men just don’t get it.
But if he is what every woman wants in a mate, but still won’t be there for his needs, well then she is just being selfish and uncaring. Her typical thing to say is: I don’t feel like it right now. Feel like what? All she is going to do is just lie there. Oh, the energy she must put out from the exhausting movement of just laying there! Or, when she is finally there for him, she hurries him by asking if he is there yet, even after only five minutes! Yeah, that’s a real sweetheart to be with for the rest of your life.
Yes, we hear you. You want her to be into it like you are. You want her to show you some affection. Not lay there like a cheap prostitute. Well, that right woman will still be there for you, while at the same time showing you that affection. If she isn’t in the mood, she will still lie there for you, but at the same time talk to you in a loving way. She will stroke your arms and hair. She will wrap her arms and legs around you, while kissing you lovingly. Knows it isn’t a struggle, or such a long and strenuous workout. She does these little things because she cares for you, and she is genuinely sweet and thoughtful.
What To Do If Your Girlfriend Or Wife No Longer Has The Sex Drive She Once Had Before
When you first date a woman the sex is always great and all the time. Well, for many of you, that is. But, what usually happens after just a few years of being together, or after she has a child? It’s impossible to determine if your new girlfriend will turn frigid in the bedroom later on down the road. There are many reasons why a woman would lose the desire for sex, or not be there as much as before. There are so many reasons, and it gets so complicated.
But, if you want more sex, you have to first understand why she isn’t there for you. Lets start with the first reason. Here many girls looking for hookup and sex fling now.
1. From magazines and books, to talk shows, many women have been interviewed on this subject, and most who say they have lost the desire for sex and can do without it are usually the ones who have had children. For most women it’s not their fault. It’s their body that fails them. For some odd reason their estrogen level drops after having a child. For those of you who don’t know what estrogen is, it’s a sex hormone that is produced in a woman’s body. The men have testosterone. For many women (NOT ALL WOMEN), having children and / or during pregnancy is connected to her low levels of this sex hormone. Her body doesn’t produce as much estrogen as before.
Also, there could be a medical reason, like abnormal dryness. That is usually the woman’s excuse. But there is always KY Jelly, and the average guy lasts only fifteen minutes, if that. So, that isn’t much of an excuse. In certain cases, the vagina can hurt from even the slightest penetration, which of course is a clear sign of more than just having a low libido. This can easily lead to chronicle vaginal infections. This should be the only exception for her not wanting to give her mate sex. This, of course, is understandable.
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If her reluctance to have sex is associated with having a low libido, and / or why the penetration hurts too much, why can’t she find out why and still be there for him, like he is there for her? Why is it such a chore for her to just lie there and be there for him for a mere fifteen minutes, if that? As long as the husband is there for her in the ways she wants him, why can’t she be there for him?
We received an E-mail from one of our readers shortly after the release of the second printing of our book, and he stated that there is more to it when a woman is just being there for a man. He wrote, in part: “A man wants her to do more than just lie there, giving only a few kisses, and that’s it. It’s unfulfilling when she just lies there, showing little emotion. My girlfriend will do this to me quite often, and it leaves me unfulfilled.”
Is this your thinking also? Well, guess what. THIS IS WHY SO MANY WOMEN SAY “NO, NOT TONIGHT. LET’S DO IT LATER.” THIS IS WHY SO MANY OF THEM THINK IT’S A CHORE! They are under a little bit of pressure because they have to “perform” for their mate because “he wants her to be into it like he is.”
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. what if you weren’t in the mood but she was (Now there’s a switch!), and she wanted you to be all over her like you usually are when your hormones are in overdrive. Could you do “the act”? Not likely! Now imagine doing this at least three to five times a week. The guy who E-mailed us made the classic mistake that so many other men make, and that is: He wants his mate to be into it most of the time, which can be a bit of pressure for her. So, in turn, she will say “no” to him more often. Meet real girls for fuck near the home location.
The man who understands this and doesn’t expect his mate to perform whenever he wants sex from her is the man who will get more sex, more often! It will happen because she is no longer under that pressure to perform. All he wants is just the little things from her, which, of course, she can do. He lets her know it is okay, while he helps her try to find the solution to why she has a low libido.
And, when we stated “being there for him for what, only fifteen minutes, if that,” what we meant was only at the times when she isn’t in the mood. She can still be there in other ways, besides being all over him like he wants her to. Can still caress his hair, his back and other parts of his body. She can do a little bit of dirty talking to him, she can still give him kisses on his ear and wrap her arms and legs tight around him. Are little things like these so hard for her to do for the one she supposedly loves, for a mere fifteen minutes or so? This is free sex sites to staert your first date online.
Also, why can’t this couple talk while being intimate? They have conversations anyway, so why can’t they have one of them while being intimate, while at the same time she caresses and kisses him? Is this so difficult for her? An understanding, loving woman should know this already.
2. Another thing that goes hand in hand with her having a low estrogen level is when she is overwhelmed with the household chores. Having children and then taking care of them is a very stressful and tiresome job for her. How can she have the desire for sex if she is tired and / or stressed out at the end of the day? Stress, for whatever reason, can especially affect her estrogen level. (Men can be stressed, but ironically many times it’s the sex that can alleviate it.) The woman who is sweet and thoughtful will still be there for his needs, but the desire will probably not. He needs to help put her in a relaxed and peaceful mood if he wants her to have that desire.
Speaking of stress, since most women, not all of them are very emotional, and it doesn’t take muchCredit: Getty Images stress to knock out their libido, let’s go a little deeper into it. It can be very irritating for the man who is with the woman who can get stressed out. Then, in turn, her desire for sex goes downhill. He can easily solve this by being there for her. He needs to talk to her when he thinks something is bothering her. A man should give her what she wants. It’s as simple as that. But, when she is affected by things that are TOO insignificant. well then that is a woman with serious emotional problems, which shouldn’t be his.
Also, if she doesn’t want to talk about it, or she thinks he should have a sixth sense on knowing if something is bothering her, like women do with one another, then again, it isn’t his problem, it’s hers. Too many women think that men think the same as they do. Men should instinctively know. It’s obvious that we don’t.
If something were bothering you, wouldn’t you want her to talk to you about it? Well, she wants the same. Treat her like you would like to be treated. She doesn’t want you to solve her problems but to just listen to her. Just say: I love you, and I’m here for you. How can I help? Then shut up, and just listen. You’d be surprised how fast her libido comes back, or at the very least she will be much more attentive to your needs. Isn’t that how a compatible and loving relationship is supposed to work?
3. This doesn’t necessarily shut her libido down, but it should be brought up anyway because this happens to so many couples. When she asks him to do things for her and he keeps putting them off, saying he will get to it. Then when he wants to have sex, she will think: Why the hell should I do this for him when he doesn’t do what I ask him to do? She won’t say this; she will keep her feelings to herself because she doesn’t want to start a possible argument, or she may think he will call her petty over something ridiculous as that. But, it isn’t pretty. What if you asked your girlfriend to do things for you, over and over again and she didn’t do them? How would you feel about her? Think about it.
How would it really make you feel about her??? Would it also make you feel she doesn’t care for you enough when she doesn’t do what you asked? Again, think about it. Now, since women are more emotional, increase that feeling by three times, and that is what she will feel inside. Remember, many women hide their feelings inside. They shouldn’t, which of course adds to the problem, but nevertheless, they do. That’s another reason why communication with her and learning to read her facial expressions is very important.
It’s mostly the men’s fault anyway, because he usually has the time to do it. He is just too lazy, or he procrastinates, and she knows it. It takes a real man to admit that about himself. When we are asked to do something, we can usually do it that same day, or at the very latest, within 48 hours. If you can’t do what she requests at that time, all she wants is to hear this: I’ll be glad to do that for you, honey, but I can’t do it right now. I promise you that I will do it tomorrow (or such and such time). AND THEN DO IT!
It’s just like when you want her to do the things you ask her to do. You expect the same thoughtfulness. And, again, you must let her know that you have a hard time understanding what women want, and that you also aren’t a mind reader. She has to tell you exactly what is on her mind. She must always know this. Communication is everything!
4. Many times she can’t have sex without the emotions connected to it. Every once in a while she can, but if the man consistently has sex with her, then rolls over and goes to sleep, she may feel that she is being treated as a sex doll or a prostitute. This is VERY common, and it has pissed off a lot of women. It has to be more than just about sex for her. He should appreciate her and tell her how much he cares for her. On the other hand, that right woman wouldn’t expect this all the time.
5. He doesn’t know how to make love to her the way she wants him to. Which is all the reason why open communication in the bedroom is very important. A woman is very afraid of hurting her lovers ego, so she won’t say anything. Women, on the average, are much more quite with their feelings in this area than men are. Sometimes he will hit that right spot for her, but most of the time he doesn’t. Instead of having to go through that, she will say she is too tired to do it now, or she isn’t very affectionate during the act.
Eventually, many women have even gone as far as losing the desire for it. He should let her know that it is okay to tell him what she wants. It is okay for her to guide him if he isn’t doing the right thing. She must feel confident that he won’t resent it in any way, that his ego won’t be bruised. Again, this is what a real man would do.
Also, too many men have the attitude that they are this great lover. They feel that they don’t have to listen to what a woman wants. They think that just because the things they did to that one woman to give her that strong orgasm that it will work on all women. IT DOESN’T! This by itself can turn a good many women off. They would resent such a man.
6. This one is screwy, but many women are like this. She has insecurities about her body. Even women who have great bodies still have insecurities. They think they are overweight, even though their mates tell them different. This is why so many women don’t like it on top. Another reason they don’t like it on top is because their breasts swing. It makes them feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter that we as men love the sight of them. Some are so insecure that it prevents them from having orgasms. The only way around this is to stay away from women like these. They can be a big headache overtime. Some men have tried talking to their mates about it. He would tell her that he loves her and that he thinks she looks great, but to no avail. Many men land up having to leave.
7. Things have changed in the relationship. The couple who use to go dancing, went on road trips or just out for a beer, now stay at home.that’s it for me baby The sex is the same thing, every single time. Believe it or not little things like this can actually turn her system off, or having her tell him she isn’t in the mood, even though she may be. A couple in a rut should remember the things they use to do together when they were having great sex, and then go back to the way it use to be. All of us get in a routine. The next thing that happens is that we no longer do the things that gave us enjoyment. This can especially affect the women more than the men.
This, in a nutshell is why so many women have little or no desire for sex. Or, they become cold in the bedroom after so many months or years. Too many men think that a flower on her pillow at the end of the day or kissing her, or giving her a massage is the answer to putting her in the mood quickly. It’s not. Many times it’s how she is treated throughout the day. It’s how he appreciates her, without having it connected with sex. He shouldn’t show his love and appreciation in exchange for sex! For many women, it’s all about how he makes her feel about herself. He shouldn’t be just a husband or a boyfriend in the bedroom but ALL THE TIME!
Here’s a rule of thumb:
ALWAYS treat her the way you did when you were first dating her! THAT’S WHAT SHE WANTS!
It doesn’t take much for her body to shut down. That’s just the way a woman’s body is built. But, even if her body is just fine, she still may not be very affectionate if any of the things you just read about are in the picture. Keeping her happy and satisfied, in and out of the bedroom is your way to more sex with her. The two always go together!
She doesn’t want your attention 24 / 7, but you should be there for her like a partner should. How would you feel if she didn’t make it a big deal when you got that raise? All she said was: “That’s nice.” How would it make you feel if she didn’t appreciate all that you do around the house? She didn’t thank you and give you a kiss and tell you, you are a great husband or boyfriend. You would still want the sex, but with many women (not all), if we did that to them, their emotions would actually shut down their sex drive. Or, their resentment towards you would have her saying: Not tonight. I’m too tired. And she may very well be in the mood.